Dimitri the stud – one for all you’s girls! lol
Thursday, August 6th, 2009
Haha – here is one for all you’d girls to make you think before handing business cards out to get rid of guys – listen to the second one. Well funny.
Surfing rules.
Promotion time.
Like all not-for-profit (intentionally or not) organizations we here at Stoke Travel like to give free shit to shitty bastards. But unlike those do-gooder mobs, we want something in return. So here is what I want, and here is what you can win:
Promotion number one.
Like any self respecting travel company Stoke Travel needs a slogan. We have been bandying this concept around Stoke Towers for a while now and have come up with some maybes. I particularly like, in no particular order:
Stoke Travel – just when you thought we couldn’t get any shitter, we did.
Stoke Travel – there isn’t a decent erection between us.
Stoke Travel – we’re not the best, but we’re alright.
Perhaps you can do better? If you do you’ll win yourself a free trip to either La Tomatina, Oktoberfest or the Surf Camp, if we remember to give it to you. Second place prize is free fellatio for any and everyone who makes an reasonable effort.
Promotion number two.
Following the success of the Queensland government’s best job in the world promotion, we at Stoke Travel have decided to run our own, parallel, but completely opposite promotion (we love the word promotion). It is….. The Worst Job in the World Promotion!
To win you have to tell us, in fifty words or less, why you deserve to be negatively endowed with this dubious honour. The winner will be from henceforth gainfully employed by Stoke Travel, and will be expected to:
Arrive at festival locations a week before the festival begins, when there is nothing to do but put up tents and marvel at how shit the town must be the rest of the year.
Wake up at 4am to prepare breakfast, after going to bed at 2am because the bar isn’t going to run itself.
Clean up used condoms and beer cans, cigarette butts and vomit, curiously all left together, every morning after making breakfast.
Be answerable to drunken bosses, who will throw their arms around your shoulders, declaring their love for every fibre of your being, all the while breathing a putrid vinegar breath in your lucky, lucky face.
Be answerable to hungover bosses who will yell and scream because you haven’t done half the things that you were never told to do, all the while with vinegar breath.
Do all the above, plus plenty of other things, blind drunk, slightly fed and unpaid.
So to win this bad-dream job, or a free trip, send your entries to gravy@stoketravel.com today!
What The Fuck Else?
The worlds biggest bolognaise sauce, La Tomatina, is on again this year. We’ll be running our Stoke Travel squat camp. We’ll throw our shanty town up near the beach in Valencia for a couple of days before the puree, have beach parties, drink too much and try and cop off with members of the opposite sex, then heading out to nearby Bunol to try and nail Italian and Spanish sex pests in the head with green tomatoes, before condimenting the night away at our (in)famous and annual ketchup party.
Also the Surf Camp will operating from atop a mountain in Zarautz until October, and the swell report is, well, good. No innuendo. But I was just there and let me assure you that not only is the Stoke camp pumping, but the whole town is. On my visit I surfed once, played handball (Australian version), volleyball, garbage soccer and had a skateboard time trial world championship. All fuelled by beer.
And just so you know the deal, if you want to book for any of our trips as per usual go to stoketravel.com. If you can bring along four friends you get your stay for half price, just because you are a member of our facebook group. Bring eight and get the trip for nothing. Bring anymore and get a handjob.
And that is that, from the jerk-offs at Stoke Travel. And now that my thirty minutes of work are done for the day, I’m going to the bar.
