Tim Wade's Blog

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “NO! I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology, and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?!”

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A man goes to a Psychologist and says, “Doc I got a real problem, I can’t stop thinking about sex.”
The Psychologist says, “Well let’s see what we can find out”, and pulls out his ink blots. “What is this a picture of?” he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, “That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love.”

The Psychologist says, “very interesting,” and shows the next picture. “And what is this a picture of?”
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, “That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love.”

The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, “What is this a picture of?”
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, “That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love.”

The Psychologist states, “Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex.”
“Me!?” demands the patient. “You’re the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!”

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Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

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Tim thinks that psychiatrists are that mad they must surely weigh themselves before and after each shit, just to ensure they hold on to a decent amount, so as they can speak for the following period. Certainly one that I know!

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If anyone is looking for a guesthouse B&B near to the National Exhibition Centre (NEC) and Airport, please visit GuestHouse-Birmingham-NEC.com which I have just designed for a mate.

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If you are looking for finding dirty slags for sex on the internet then get signed up at adult friend finder. They have Asians, Filipinos, French birds, Indians, Italians, the lot! They even have Germans and gays if you are really desperate.

(No Andi I haven’t been looking – just dropping my affiliate links here incase someone else wants to)

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A busy week this one. I have reinstated all the forms on Spain hotel guide (well the Marbella hotels anyway) so they don’t collect quite the information they used to. Having changed them all before Xmas to collect alternative hotels etc, they didn’t get the leads they did before so it was a bad idea. Not my idea – just my job to change them and change them back.

Also I am getting a load of shit from a new girl selling properties in Cape Verde who’s obvious power mad entry to the company includes insulting my design of cape-verde-property-direct.com – she doesn’t like greens, and wants yellows. Green is not appropriate. Then what the fuck colour is appropriate for a shitty little island of the coast of Africa that nobody wants to buy a house at. It is called Cape Verde, verde means green, so lets have a green website. Anyway, little changes to colour mean nothing unless every website visitor shares her taste, not mine, so it can wait while more important money making projects overtake it and it is forgotten about.

I have also just done a blog for my friends at Windlip (who are snowboard manufacturers) who have sent my new 750€ board. It is called a J Class and is top banana, and I can’t wait to get it. I have been looking at these Burton C60 bindings for it too. Cool! Shame Burton’s website isn’t a bit faster – it’s shit. If they got rid of all that flash bollox and made the site faster they might sell more!

Apart from that, not a lot of new news. Was a bit ill yesterday and so was my dog. Andi has been great bringing me medicine, cigarettes and food etc, but thats why she is so beautiful and I love her so much…..

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Happy Xmas to everyone who knows me.

I was a good catholic boy and went to midnight mass in Turin, and have spent the whole time shopping, watching DVD’s and eating lots (on my new low colesterol diet).

My mate Nick is back tomorrow (I’ve had his flat while he has been away; although I have spent most nights con la bellissima ragazza), and we are off snowboarding 29th and probably most of next week. I have a mate on the lifts at one of the largest Italian resorts, with the last Olympic downhill course, of which the start is one of the steepest nightmares I have ever come down. I’m looking forward to that. Nick is also bringing back a new collection of music for my iPod.

New Year, who knows?

Buon Natale!

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As normal I am stumped for something to write about this week. I am back in the motorhome with no 12v electric as the ElecktroBlock charging and distribution unit has been sent back to Germany to be repaired where an overvoltage from my generator blew it up. They are fixing a voltage limiter to it after its repair, that should stop it happening again (why they didn’t make it with one of them I don’t know).

My mate Nick has some friends from Aston Martin across, and last week moved into a new flat on the 7th floor and a view over the rooftops. I hope they all had bad heads this morning from the copious beers they consumed last night.

Anyway, thats it for today!

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My mate Nick got me a couple of t-shirts from back in the UK, including another cool ‘Plain Lazy’ one to match my lifestyle!

Thanks Nick!

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