Archive for the ‘Fun & Enjoyment’ Category
Freeride marathon – Bardonecchia – 2010
Saturday, June 26th, 2010Place this post on your 
profile.
Bardonecchia as the Torino townies don’t know it:
Terrorist Threat Alert Levels by country
Tuesday, June 15th, 2010Place this post on your profile.
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability. It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain”: Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and”Lose”.
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Canada doesn’t have any alert levels.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on small countries and all their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “Shit, I hope Australia will come end rescue us”. In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called “Bondi”.
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be all right, mate”. Three more escalation levels remain, “Crikey!’, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final two escalation levels .
The zebra!
Tuesday, June 15th, 2010Place this post on your profile.
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, ‘I have a question that’s haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?’
St. Peter said, ‘That’s a question only God can answer.’
So the zebra went off in search of God.
When he found Him, the zebra asked, ‘God, please – I must know Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?’
God simply replied ‘You are what you are.’
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, ‘Well, did God straighten out your query for you?’
The zebra looked puzzled.. ‘No sir, God simply said ‘You are what you are.’
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, ‘Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes..’
The zebra asked St. Peter, ‘How do you know that for certain?’
Because,’ said St. Peter, ‘If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, ‘You is what you is..’
WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin after yo white ass!
It is a scam – Adult Freiend Finder – adultfriendfinder.com
Wednesday, April 21st, 2010Place this post on your profile.
WARNING TO ANY WEB DEVELOPER/DESIGNER THAT JOINS THE ADULT FRIEND FINDER AFFILIATE SCHEME. THEY WILL WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE ACCRUED THE REQUIRED SIGNUPS FOR PAYMENT, THEN EMAIL YOU THAT YOU ARE IN INFRINDGEMENT OF THEIR TERMS (HOW?), WITH NO EXPALINATION, AND OFFER YOU TWO UNDELIVERABLE EMAIL ADDRESSES TO CORRECT OR ENQUIRE AS TO WHY?
IT IS A COMPLETE SCAM AND I RECOMMEND EVERYBODY (AFFLIATE OR CLIENT) TERMINATE ANY INVOLVEMENT WITH ADULT FRIEND FINDER IMMEDIATELY
Parvinder and Habib, the beggars!
Saturday, April 10th, 2010Place this post on your profile.
Parvinder and Habib are beggars.. They beg in different areas of London
Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Habib says to Parvinder ‘I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?’
Parvinder says, ‘Look at your sign, what does it say’?
Habib’s sign reads ‘I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support’.
Parvinder says ‘No wonder you only get £2- £3
Habib says.. ‘So what does your sign say’?
Parvinder shows Habib his sign….
It reads, ‘I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan ‘.
Italian tomato gardens near London and the Police
Thursday, March 25th, 2010Place this post on your profile.
An old Italian lived alone just outside London. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, hundreds of security officials, and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie
Moral question
Thursday, March 25th, 2010Place this post on your profile.
This is a real tough one!!
This test only has one
question, but it’s a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will
discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely
fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that
your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and
give due consideration to each line.
THE SITUATION: You are in London There
is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a
flood of biblical proportions. You are a photo-journalist working for a major
newspaper, and you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation
is nearly hopeless. You’re trying to shoot career-making photos. There are
houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water. Nature
is unleashing all of its destructive fury.
THE TEST: Suddenly, you see a man
in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the
debris. You move closer… Somehow, the man looks familiar… You suddenly
realise who it is………. ……… ……… ……… ……… ………
….. ………… …….It’ s Muslim Cleric Abu Hamza (the hook handed
bastard) You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.
You have two options: You can save the life of Abu or you can shoot a dramatic
Prize winning photo,documenting the death of one of the country’s most despised,
evil and powerful men!
THE QUESTION: Here’s the question, and please give an
honest answer… Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go
with the classic simplicity of black and white?
How Moses got the Ten Commandments
Tuesday, March 9th, 2010Place this post on your profile.
God went to the Arabs and said,
“I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.”
The Arabs asked, “What are Commandments?”
And the Lord said, “They are rules for living..”
“Can you give us an example?”
“Thou shall not kill.”
“Not kill? We’re not interested.”
So He went to the Blacks and said, “I have Commandments.”
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
“Honor thy Father and Mother.”
“Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested.”
Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
“I have Commandments.”
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said “Thou shall not steal.”
“Not steal? We’re not interested.”
Then He went to the French and said,
“I have Commandments.”
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shall not commit adultery.”
“Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.”
Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
“I have Commandments.”
“Commandments?” They said, “How much are they?”
“They’re free.”
“We’ll take 10.”
There, that should offend just about everybody !!!
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE
Tuesday, March 9th, 2010Place this post on your profile.
1. It’s important to have a woman, who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It’s important to have a woman, who can make you
laugh.
3. It’s important to have a woman, who you can trust
and who doesn’t lie to you.
4. It’s important to have a woman, who is good in bed
and who likes to be with you.
5. It’s very, very important that these four women
do not know each other.
